Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Near-death experience

I’m so upset. Me, G & S just went for a new walk by a place called Bissoe. It’s a cycle track now, on the path of what used to be a mineral tramway from the old mining days in Cornwall. There was an arsenic refinery, for example, which surprised me. It was really interesting, and we were enjoying the lovely scenery, when I decided to jump into this narrow ditch of water.

Except it was five feet deep and fast flowing. S had just come over to investigate, as he could see I was considering jumping in, and when he heard the deep splash, realised it was not good. I was flatlining.

He couldn’t see me, as the channel was only about a foot wide, and there was a foot or two of muddy bank above the water, which overhung it and made it almost invisible. S guessed how far the current had swept me, and could hear me coughing and snorting. I was so scared. It was so dark I couldn’t tell which way was up. The current had undermined the narrow banks, so it was like one of those flumes in waterparks. My head was right under, and I was drowning.

S had run ahead and jumped in, but still holding on to the grassy banks, because he couldn’t feel the bottom, and was up to his chest in fast-flowing water. G then jumped in behind me; by this time I’d bumped against his legs like a fish in a net, so although I was still underwater, I was no longer being swept along. He reached under my head and held it up, and G hauled my bottom up out of the water. Between them they heaved me above their heads on to the bank. I lay there semi-conscious, gasping like a fish.

They then had a problem: S managed to haul himself out, but the overhanging banks were too high for G, and he couldn’t pull her out. She was up to her chest in the water. He managed to guide her upstream a few yards where there was a shallower bank, and she climbed out. By this time I’d revived, and was prancing about the bank, trying to get to my G.

When we were all out, we looked at the damage. They were soaked to the skin, and covered in mud and grass. I was bright orange all over from the coloured mud, and a bit subdued. S had lost his sunglasses, and G her expensive glasses.

We all tramped back along the trail to the car. Of course there were people about now that we didn’t need them, and we had to explain our appearance. I was very subdued. G wanted to call the vet, but they decided that I was ok really.

They came back and had a bath, and G has now gone to the supermarket to buy food and a bottle of wine. I think I need something stronger: a St Bernard, perhaps.

I really thought my time had come; I couldn’t see anything, and couldn’t get a purchase on the bank, which was muddy and curved over me. The current was strong, too, and if S hadn’t guessed rightly where I’d been swept too, that would have been it for me. A watery grave for the surfhound. They should have a sign up; it’s way too dangerous.

Now for other news. S had an email from baby Jack saying he was sending his mum Nx off to buy me a pressie prior to his visit last weekend while S was in Ipswich looking after his mum who’s not well and 90 now. Well they came and went, and no sign of a present. He’s all mouth and nappy, that one.

If I’d have drowned today he’d have been really sorry.

Nx got bored on Monday because S was still away mum-sitting, and G had to work, so she left on Tuesday morning. She seems to have sold her house now, which is good news if you are into that sort of thing. Personally I’m quite happy with a field.

S went to next door’s RAFA coffee morning while G went to get her hair done this morning. He met a guy who’d flown Lightnings, which sounds difficult and a bit implausible. G & S contributed the last of their pistachio and white choc biscuits, which were appreciated. They’re having tuna tonight, but I’m not keen on anything to do with water at the moment. In fact when I saw S in the bath just now, I ran for help.

They’re off to visit the boys on Thursday; they’re having their ceremony. G wants to wear a hat, but it’s not that kind of thing, so she’s been persuaded otherwise. I of course go into prison, but will be there in spirit. They’d have been proud of my heroic owners this evening; they saved my life. Now I’m so hungry.


Blogger Baby Jack said...

Bro, we can't believe your news but so glad to hear you are well and that the only trauma is orange hair - which some people actually pay a lot of money for, or in fact are born with!!

Jack and I are very sorry about the lack of present, we will make it up to you I promise.

Take care and be good, and please avoid swimming for a while, if you must please wear water wings as I couldn't bear to loose any of you.

Jack's Mum

3:22 pm  

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